Executive function (EF) skills develop from childhood through young adulthood; we are not born with them fully formed. Although EF difficulties are closely associated with disabilities, people of all ages—with or without a diagnosed disability—may struggle with these skills. Fortunately, EF skills can be taught and strengthened. Educators use strategies to build them at school, and parents can support them at home and in the community. One of the most powerful approaches is consistently modeling appropriate EF behaviors.

This blog post draws on the chapter “Helping Your Child While Helping Yourself” in Life After Lockdown:  Resetting Perceptions of Autism (2022). The following examples show how we can help our children by modeling appropriate behaviors and explaining our thoughts and actions aloud:

Flexibility: You begin a busy day with an important phone call, only to hear that the wait time is 47 minutes. “That’s okay. I can be flexible. I’ll put the phone on speaker and use the time to finish folding the clean laundry and chop vegetables for dinner.”

Leveled Emotions: Before leaving for a few hours of work, you give your preteen son and daughter a list of chores. You return to find them playing video games with their chores unfinished. Upset, you want to shout that they will lose all electronics for a year. Instead, to level your emotions, you ask them to start their chores while you spend 10 minutes cuddling your dogs. You explain that you will discuss the consequences of their behavior once you are calm.

Impulse Control: Just before helping your daughter with a school project, you receive a group text inviting you to an upcoming holiday event. Notifications keep arriving as others reply.  “I want to read the messages, but right now I’m helping you and need to stay focused. I’ll control the impulse to check my phone and read them later.”

Planning and Organizing: You and your child have several errands to run tomorrow and limited time. “Let’s plan and organize our day. We’ll list our tasks and stops, then arrange them by distance to avoid driving back and forth. Next, we’ll estimate how long each stop will take. We need to be home by 4:00 o’clock, so let’s make sure we can finish everything in time.”

Problem Solving: A relative calls to say they are bringing four extra guests to a family dinner planned long ago. You tell your children, “I planned a meal for ten, but now fourteen people are coming. How can I solve this problem? I could serve smaller portions, I can take leftovers out of the freezer, ask the relative to pick up a quart of potato salad and a deli chicken at the supermarket, or explain that we can’t accommodate four extra guests. I think asking the relative to bring the chicken and potato salad is the best solution.”

Now is an ideal time to pay deliberate attention to our thoughts, behaviors, and actions. Use everyday teachable moments to demonstrate flexibility, leveled emotions, impulse control, planning and organizing, and problem solving—all essential components of executive function. Encourage others who interact with your child to do the same. Practicing appropriate EF behaviors can reduce our stress and anxiety. Modeling these behaviors and explaining them to our children helps us all build the EF skills needed to succeed in every setting.

References:

Silva, R., Prystash, R., Burmeister, C., & DeLoss, R. (Eds.). (2022). Life after lockdown: Resetting perceptions of autism. Autism Moving Forward.